Honestly: It sucks- and there’s no better way to say it. I’m not talking about the cliché leaving-home-going-to-the-big-city kind of thing. I’m talking about leaving your life behind. Your friends, your family, your school. The places that make you happy, and the memories that make you sad. The things that make you feel like your still young and innocent, and the feeling of falling in love- with anything and everything.
I’m talking about leaving yourself behind.
The worst part of leaving is that somewhere along the way- you get addicted. As much as you hate the tears and the heart-wrenching pain, you can’t help but be drawn in. As much of you leaving causes you to leave behind, your always left with a promise of something better -something new, and just enough of your heart solid enough to believe it. Inside of all of us, there’s a little girl who grew up too quickly with too much at stake. All that girl ever wanted was to please, and please no one more than herself, she wanted to be perfect. Starting over where no one knows your name- you get the chance to change everything. All of the mistakes you made, the parts of you you don’t like- poof! A snap of your fingers and they’re gone. Your promised a second chance- if only you’re brave enough to take it.
The problem is, we can never get it right.
We’re humans, that makes us incapable of perfection by default. Everything we unconsciously strive for is unattainably out of reach. We try and try to no prevail. We give our all- one-hundred and ten percent only to discover that the only thing we’re fighting for is a lost cause- and we’d give anything to try it over again. So we do, we leave- over and over, cradling the naïve girl who clutches to the fraying rope of a long gone promise, hoping with every atom we’re made of that she was right.
And one day she will be.
The day will come and go in a blink of an eye. It’s not until you’ve left that you realize you’ve come as close as you’ll ever be. Everything you had- everything you were was one stroke from perfection and a shade away from being everything you dreamed. On this day you will wake up and and nothing will different. And on that tomorrow you will wake up and nothing will be the same. Your heart will ache with a dull fire that can only be describes as the as the ache of missing- needing what is, but soon will be once was. Your mind will be lost in the yesteryears of today.
Once it’s gone, it’s too late.
There’s no going back, just like always. And so are the rules in life. Yet you can’t help long for what you unknowingly chose to loose, so we leave again. Praying that you just may get lucky and find yourself where you left her.